EverAshley Music: Alan's Blog

A Dozen Roses
By Alan Pedersen

If I had a dozen roses, I know just what I’d do
I’d give each one a name that reminded me of you
The first rose I’d call sunshine, because you brighten everyday
The second would be beauty, the kind that never goes away
The third rose would be priceless, like those hugs you gave to me
I’d name the fourth rose silly, oh how funny you could be
Rose five of course is patience, something you have helped me find
The sixth rose would be memories, the gift you left behind
The seventh and the eighth rose would for sure be faith and grace
Nine would be unique because no one can take your place
The tenth rose well that’s easy, I’d simply name it love
Eleven would be angel, I know you’re watching from above
I’d think about that twelfth rose, and I’d really take my time
After all these roses are for you my Valentine
I’m sending them to heaven in every color that I know
So twelve I’ll name forever, that’s how long I’ll love you so

DON'T MIND ME

Words and Music by
Alan Pedersen
Copyright 2006
EverAshley Music ASCAP


Don’t mind me
If I seem lost in that big October sky
Drifting like those clouds rolling by
I just thought I saw a face I recognized
But it can’t be
So don’t mind me

There’s just something about this time of year
When the wind blows cold and the roses disappear
Reminding me
That she's not here
She was my world you see
So don't mind me

Sometimes my mind goes back to yesterday
And I know you think I’m a million miles away

It’s just someplace that I go
Me and my heart only know
And for a little while I’m lost in memory
So don’t mind me….

If I turn that song up loud on the radio
She loved to sing and dance to that one don’t you know
That girl sure loved good old rock and roll
She didn't miss a beat
So don’t mind me

Don’t mind me
If you see a teardrop rolling down my cheek
It don’t mean I ain’t doing alright or that I’m weak
It’s the only way a broken heart can speak
So Don’t mind me…..

Sometimes my mind goes back to yesterday
And I know you think I’m a million miles away

It’s just someplace that I go
Me and my heart know
And for a little while I’m lost in memory
So don’t mind me….

I blog now on Facebook...please look me up there to keep up with my travels and stories of the road and my commentary on grief.

The Long Hard Fall
words and music by Alan Pedersen
Copyright 2003/EverAshley Music



She loved the way the leaves dance on the wind in late September
It was her favorite time of year
She said that fall reminded her how everything must change
She was right cause nothing is the same without her here
And when September comes around I’ll find my way somehow
But there is just too much to do to think about that now

If I can get through August
I just might make it after all
If I can get through August
Maybe I can face the long hard fall

I loved the way she’d lose herself in the colors of October
When green would turn to gold then brown
She said it was a perfect time for picking up the pieces
With memories of summer lying scattered on the ground
Outside my window I can feel it in the air
Autumn is so far away I wonder if she’s there

Sometimes I close my eyes and my mind drifts back in time
To long ago and far away…and that season she was mine

If I can get through August
I just might make it after all
If I can get through August
Maybe I can face the long hard fall

Technology and me have never been the best of friends. I grudgingly gave away my old typewriter when the word processor was already a staple for most writers. I only bought a computer because the kids had to have it for school. I hated email and thought of it as a “cheap” imitation of real communication. Text messaging was not something I wanted any part of when it became popular…yet:

Here I am writing an article about my newfound love of Facebook. Yes, the same man who wanted nothing to do with this new technology is now a TEKKIE! I text message like a teenager, can’t live without my Blackberry which sends me all my emails…and I am loving the opportunity to communicate that Facebook has given to me. For those of you who haven’t joined FB or aren’t familiar with it…go check it out. It allows me to post daily thoughts, pictures…information about my concerts and events…and they are broadcast to a network of friends who instantly can read what I wrote and respond back to me if they wish.


As I get ready to go back on the road for my Fall Tour…I look around at all the technology in my van and wonder what happened to me. I have a GPS, a Blackberry, a computer which serves as a movie theater, television, and information conduit to the world. This same man who didn’t want to learn how to type a Word document just a few short years ago...now manages and maintains a website, a Facebook page…and lives by the whims of technology…how times have changed.

There is a bonus too…I am learning a new language…the language of TEXT…for those of you who don’t know this language..let me close by saying…..

C U all nxt month..on the road til thnksgving..B good 2 yourselves…Peace

Sorry for combining two-for-one on my Monthly Articles, I have heard from some of you who look forward to it each month and will do my best to make sure I get them out on time. July was very busy for me as I took a cross country ride in the Butterfly Bus to play concerts from Indiana to New York. The National Gathering of The Bereaved Parents of the USA was in New York City, and I was honored to be the Keynote Speaker for their opening ceremony. The Butterfly Bus needed some work done on it before I left town so it was a nerve wracking time getting her road ready as she has had a few problems. But a water pump, fuel filter, carburetor cleaning, tune-up, oil change, and a motor for the power window on the driver’s side and $1,000 later….she was good to go.

She purred like a kitten right out of the gate as my first stop was in South Bend, Indiana for an outdoor concert at their Angel of Hope garden. For those of you who don’t know about the Angel of Hope, Google it and learn about how these beautiful Angel statues are being erected in cities across the country as a sacred place for families who have lost a child to gather and remember. I have played in South Bend many times and am always treated so well their. It was then on to New York and the National Gathering.

What a fantastic job was done by my friend Diana and her entire committee to make this an event to remember. With over 80 workshops and 8 Keynote Speakers, there was an abundance of wonderful information and sharing available to all who attended. In addition to my opening Keynote at 8 AM on Friday morning (who starts anything at 8?) I participated or presented in at least 6 workshop and sharing sessions as well as playing at the church service held on Sunday morning…at 7 AM (who starts anything at 7?) The lack of sleep was worth it however as I was able to reach out to many bereaved parents, grandparents, and siblings at this wonderful event.
New York is one of my favorite places to spend some down time and I was able to spend a few days with friends taking it all in. I have been there 15 times in my life, but I swear each time I discover something different and unique. I also got to enjoy a fabulous dinner in Seaside Heights on the New Jersey shore at Grif’s Crab Shack…the best clam chowder on the planet…and he has the awards to prove it.
From New York City it was on to Binghamton for another outdoor concert. This was my second time playing for this TCF Chapter as they invited me to their annual balloon release. From Binghamton it was on to Albany to play for the third time for my friend Jan Messina. The room I play in for my Albany concerts is small…but one of the most warm and friendly places to play music there is. From Albany it was on to Batavia, New York to play for my friend Pat and her newly formed Chapter of TCF. I look forward to playing for her group again next year as she works so hard to let her community know about TCF.
After three concerts in three nights in New York…it was back to Indiana to play in Columbia City for my friend Sharon at another outdoor event at the Angel of Hope Garden their. We had a wonderful Saturday night crowd and the weather which had threatened to move us indoors cooperated long enough for us to have a special evening of music. After Columbia City, it was up early the next morning to drive the 100+ miles to Crown Point, Indiana which is very close to Chicago, Illinois. Carol invited me to play for the annual picnic and walk to remember. Again, the weather cooperated and it was a wonderful day. After my concert in Crown Point, I loaded up the equipment and headed to Omaha, Nebraska to spend a couple of days with my mom and her husband Bob.
That was one of the longest weekends of the year…playing concerts in two Indiana cities and driving to Omaha, Nebraska…all with in the span of 28 hours….well that is called getting the job done. I enjoy my mom’s house so much as it sits on a quiet hill overlooking the Missouri river in the distance. We had some great talks and I got a little rest before driving the Butterfly Bus back to Colorado.
August will find me flying to Portland, Oregon for the National Conference of The Compassionate Friends, but aside from that I am pretty much staying put. It will give me the opportunity to reconnect with old friends and hopefully meet some new ones as my participation is very limited to allow me the time to catch up with so many dear friends who have been such a support to me over the years. In September, I once again will hit the road for a concert tour that will not bring me back to Colorado until mid-November.
I have BIG plans for next year…something called The Angels Across the USA tour which will be the biggest and most far reaching schedule I have ever done. This will be a unique tour in that it is aimed at bringing media attention to the wonderful organizations and people who reach out to bereaved families in communities of all sizes across the country. It will feature at least one concert event in every on of the 48 states and will be sponsored by bereaved families who will graciously let me display a butterfly decal on the tour trailer with the name of their child, grandchild, or sibling.
My hope is that the added media attention of these events will not only increase community awareness for these groups, but also open a door to more fund raising and financial support…stay posted for more on this exciting 10 month tour which will begin in February of 2010. I flew to California in June to shoot a video about the tour and it should be done soon so that you can learn more about it.
Thanks for all of your support, prayers, and warm wishes. I could not do this without all of you who are there for me in spirit. It is a long road sometimes, but knowing that my message is helpful to you…makes it all worthwhile. Blessings to you this month…my 8-year anniversary since Ashley’s death will be on the 15th…hard to imagine I made it this far. God Bless You!

She was just a little thing, this terrier mix mutt I brought home from the pound that day in 1997. She was hyper to say the least and wearing a cast on a broken leg. Watching her wobble, and hobble, like an energizer bunny rabbit on a caffeine high was just too much to pass up. They told us she had been abandoned and was found in an old garage on a desolate farm near Greeley, Colorado.

We were told she needed to get shots and have her leg given some additional attention but that we could complete our adoption and pick her up in a few days. I drove by myself to pick up the little creature during a big Colorado snowstorm. I could tell from the moment I put her in the car that this dog had a mind of her own. When I arrived at the house the kids were thrilled, and she loved them and bonded to them immediately.

House breaking this little dog was a lot like trying to teach Chinese to a parakeet, it wasn’t easy. We put paper down in a corner and tried to build a wall around it with household items to keep her in, but she would have none of that….she would either push it over, squeeze through it, or simply cry and stare at you until you let her run free with the family. Somebody said that her all black fur and her bright white face reminded them of a Nike tennis shoe…and so that became her name.

Nike was a most loving and bossy dog, if she wanted to sleep with you, she would push her nose into you to let you know that you should move so that she could have just the place she wanted. She would jump on you and place her head under your hands until you petted her for as long as she desired. She was small and yet she barked and growled at any dog that dared try to steal any attention from her…she was the “A” dog and she knew it.

My Ashley fell in love with Nike, and Nike fell in love with her. In time Nike spent every night sleeping with Ashley in her room. She would crawl under the covers and lay her head in Ashley’s lap. When Ashley died in 2001, there were many nights that holding Nike felt like a link to Ashley and it brought comfort on many a lonely and painful night.

Dogs seem to have a way of tapping into our emotions; they love us so easily and can be such a great comfort in times of sorrow. As Gavin (our grandson by Ashley) got older and began to spend the night at our house, something so amazing started to happen. Nike began to bond with him in the same way he did Ashley. One day just as though it had been orchestrated by Ashley herself, we looked over and there was Nike with her head on Gavin’s lap as he was sleeping in the identical way she would cuddle up with his mom.

Gavin and Nike were so close, and I can’t tell you how much joy I have gotten watching the two of them together. One time we went camping in the motor home at a nearby lake and Gavin’s dad brought him to the lake to spend the night with us. We decided to leave the dogs home on this occasion. I will never forget the sad look on Gavin’s face when he realized his Nike wasn’t there, it broke our hearts. So, of course a trip was made home to pick up the dogs….it really was something special.

I am writing this today sitting in a hotel room in Sacramento, California waiting to catch a plane home to Colorado. I have been here all weekend shooting my first ever music video as well as filming another project that I will tell you about later. It has been 3 days of long and grueling work with a team of video and production pros and I am exhausted.

I woke up this morning to the news that our little Nike has died. She wasn’t doing well lately and when I left for the airport on Friday I didn’t have a good feeling about her. Many parents I have met have shared their experience of the loss of their child’s dog and how sad it made them feel. As I sat here alone thinking about it, I began to cry as it brought back a flood of emotions. Ashley loved Nike, we loved Nike, Gavin loved Nike…this little black haired dog with the milky white face was a common thread through so much of our lives, our loss, and our healing.

When this dog instinctively bonded with Gavin, it brought a smile to my face. As I watched the two of them together it gave me a sense of peace and comfort knowing that Ashley would have wanted the two of them to play together. Nike was a great dog, a precious and loving pet that was part of our family. She will be missed as much as she was loved. When I get home I will go and get my Gavin and take him somewhere and break the news to him about his mommy’s dog….this is something I don’t look forward to but I know that I am the only one who can do it. It will hurt me because I know it will hurt him.

Walking the grief journey isn’t easy…sometimes it is harder than others…this is one of those times. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers

I spent the month of May in Arizona, California, and Oregon. Thanks to everyone who made the month so special and who attended or sponsored the 12 events I was honored to play and speak at. On the 16th of May my Ashley would have turned 26 years old. I thank the woman of the Journey of the Heart Conference in Costa Mesa for being so kind to me as I spoke for them on Ashley's birthday. I read a poem for them which I wrote in 2006 while playing in Southern California, Ashley was taking an unscheduled roadtrip to Los Angeles when she was killed in an automobile accident in August of 2001. My article this month is simply those words I wrote for her. I am off in June but will be back on the road in July playing my way cross country to New York City. See you next month!

Ashley's Poem

Daddy oh daddy when can I date…I say young lady you’ll have to wait…she said but daddy I’m turning ten…. I like this boy at school ….so daddy when…I say sweet child it’s really hard to say…but come back and ask me again someday.

I remember May 16th back in 83 …the beginning of a different world for me….A freak Colorado storm would rage….and my life would turn a brand new page…..as a mighty spring snow shut Denver down….a pretty baby girl found her way to town…with a roar….with a rush….with a beautiful smile and a gentle hush…and she was amazing

Her sweet dark eyes and her baby small steps ....through a fathers eyes were simply perfect…hearing that first word that she said was a moment in time I will never forget…I cradled her with a love so deep…my gift from God she was so unique…as time flew by as it tends to do….every day brought with it something new…I would sing, she would dance, we would laugh every chance we could… and it was amazing

It seemed she would let nothing stand in her way….collecting cans for the homeless…. taking in every stray…cat and dog, a bird and a mouse…if she had her way we’d have been a zoo….not a house…even that black widow deserved to live…in a mayonnaise jar with a hole filled lid....and live it did for 4 long days….she cried when I carried that jar away…she was sad and I was sad….cause it hurt so much to watch her cry…she was amazing

Daddy oh daddy when can I date…I say young lady you’ll have to wait…she said but daddy I’m turning ten…. I like this boy at school ….so daddy when…I say sweet child it’s really hard to say…but come back and ask me again someday.

There was always so much to do...I was her chauffer and soccer coach too….when it came to fashion and time for prom…I simply carried the bags and relied on mom….That girl loved music and she loved to shop……and shop and shop until my money stopped….then she’d flash that oh please daddy grin….and I’d start searching for an ATM…and she’d shop and she’d shop….ahhhhhhh she was amazing

It wasn’t always easy…you know it never is….we had our ups and downs …..and we learned to forgive….but love would always rule the day….so we never strayed too far away …..From that special bond that daddy’s make…with their little girls that nothing can break….she was strong and I was proud…such beautiful young woman now….she would be amazing

She said one day she was going to write….she was always up for a moral fight…..she knew the difference between right and wrong….she believed in justice for the weak and strong…she felt the pain of those oppressed ..it became her cause and at times she obsessed…but the underdog became her cause…would she be a judge, would she help change laws…she was brilliant she was bright…she was a noble beauty with a guiding light…she was amazing

Daddy oh daddy when can I date…I say young lady you’ll have to wait…she said but daddy I’m turning ten…. I like this boy at school ….so daddy when…I say sweet child it’s really hard to say…but come back and ask me again someday.


One hot August day a chilly wind blew through…..Took my little girl with so much left to do …..The dreams I’d built my world upon…..like a rose that bloomed were now suddenly gone….. I cried and cried…then I cried some more….through a father’s tears I screamed out Lord…..How could you take this gift I say….How will I ever find my way…through the pain…through the fear…I don’t think I can make it hear…..my heart was broken

I never knew I could love so much…..that little girl taught me the meaning of love…..so I hurt so deep for what I longed to hold…..I felt forsaken with a broken soul……I could barely breathe those first few years……I was mad at God……I was filled with fear…..I couldn’t hold on but I wouldn’t let go…..so I finally surrendered…I was out of hope

Daddy oh daddy when can I date…I say young lady you’ll have to wait…she said but daddy I’m almost ten I like this boy at school now….so daddy when…I say sweet child it’s really hard to say…but come back and ask me again someday.

It was an honor to be asked to speak and play my music at the Salina, Kansas Regional Conference of The Compassionate Friends this past weekend. Anytime you get to work with the legendary Darcie Sims it is truly something special. Darcie is without a doubt the most prolific and entertaining speaker on grief and loss that I have ever heard. She brings a unique set of skills to the speakers’ podium which nobody can match.

First of all she brings a shared loss; she is a bereaved mom to her precious son, Big “A.” Second of all she is a brilliant author, a nationally certified grief management specialist, a psychotherapist, and a board certified hypnotherapist. She has many initials behind her name too, things like…PHD, FBI, KFC, (Okay, maybe I made up some of those initials..but you get the point) I don’t know what they all mean but believe me she has education, training, and experience out the wazoo. But Darcie doesn’t flaunt her book smarts when she speaks; instead she uses humor and common sense gleaned from her years as both a bereaved mom and a professional to enlighten us. We don’t know what to expect when we listen to Darcie, one moment we are laughing, and the next we are in tears.

Darcie adds just the right mix of humor, horse sense, and honesty into her talk which makes her such an effective and inspiring key-note presenter. If you want to create a buzz at any conference, anywhere, just advertise that Darcie Sims will be speaking and you will have folks flocking to see this fantastically gifted woman. But Darcie Sims would not be Darcie Sims without the one key ingredient that pulls it all together…her heart.

Spending the weekend around Darcie I got to know many people who have been touched by her books and her personal outreach to the bereavement community. A young couple whose young son had died came up to us as we were chatting in a hallway between sessions. These young parents had brought a gift to Darcie to thank her for taking them under her wing when they had met a year prior at another Conference. Later they told me that Darcie had helped them so much by spending some one-on-one time sharing her wisdom and letting them simply share their story with her.

Darcie and I probably travel more than anybody doing this work today. We compared notes and found that between us we were on the road away from home more than 500 nights in 2008. She is the champion however as her 285 nights beats my 225 hotel room nights. We get to work together once in awhile, and both of us want to change that once in awhile to on a regular basis as we move forward.

There just seems to be a nice balance in our presentations. I love to be the opening act for Darcie (to use a show business term) as it seems my music and humor fit nicely with what she has to say. We were able to do just that in Salina and it made for a very memorable Saturday evening. I played my songs and told a couple of stories about how I came to write them. Darcie took the stage and worked her magic. Then we came back together to host a beautiful candle lighting where she narrated and I played “Tonight I Hold This Candle.” It was truly a beautiful evening, one of those special nights when you know that many hearts were touched, including those of the presenters on stage.

I want to thank my dear friend Darcie Sims for the encouragement and support she has given me from the moment of our first meeting in Vancouver, British Columbia back in 2005. Darcie was the first “big name” to believe in me, my music, and my message. She gave me a coveted slot to play and speak at The World Gathering on Bereavement which gave me instant credibility and tremendous exposure. In the following years she has given great advice (I wish I would not have been stubborn and used all of it) and continues to be a guiding light and an inspiration to me.

A special thanks to Marty Weaver, and to all those in Salina who put on a beautiful event. Thanks for giving me the honor of being part of something so very special. April was a relaxing month as I played only 4 events and all close to home. I want to thank the folks in McCook and Scottsbluff, Nebraska as well as Cheyenne, Wyoming for their hard work and hospitality in hosting concerts in April.

May brings with it a busy travel schedule for me. I leave on the 6th for a month of events in Arizona, California, and Oregon. There are a few outdoor events this month with balloon and dove releases as part of these concerts so it should be fun. Look for my “BIG PLAN” for 2010 which I hope to announce in next months article. I have something up my sleeve, still praying about it….but it truly is something BIG and I want to share it with all of you once I get it finalized.

Have a great month, be kind to yourselves…..and remember this: “They live in our hearts so we must let them continue to shine in our lives.” Share the love of your child, grandchild, or sibling with somebody new this month. Tell your story, share your child…it will help you to heal….I promise!

So where does a guy who travels full time go on vacation? You guessed it, at home. Some of my best vacations have been spent going nowhere at all. However this year I made an exception and decided to take a week to write and reflect at a very special place. I am actually writing this article at my dear friend Greg Maxwell’s vacation home overlooking the beautiful Lake of the Ozarks here in Osage Beach, Missouri.

Greg is Amanda’s dad, we met nearly 7 years ago at our TCF Chapter in Littleton, Colorado and have been close buddies ever since. Amanda Maxwell died when she was 13 in a bus accident on her way to a church camp outside of Dallas, Texas on June 24th, 2002. Greg is a United Airlines pilot and was half-way around the world in Singapore when he received the news. It seems we instantly bonded the night we met as we shared our sorrow over the loss of our children together.

I was in Tucson, Arizona when I found out Ashley died, we often talk about the long and painful journey we both had to make upon hearing our tragic news. It took Greg 26 hours to get home; it took us a full day to drive back to Colorado. Those first 24 hours were traumatic to both of us as the feeling of being helpless and so far away compounded by the sheer agony of loss make us wonder how we even survived the trip home.

Words can not say how important Greg has been in my life and the depth of support he has given to me has helped me so much. I wish every bereaved parent, grandparent, and sibling had someone who truly understood their loss to walk this path of grief with them. Nobody understands the nuances and intricacies of acute grief like someone who has experienced it. One of my 8 truths about the grieving process is “going it alone only makes for a lonely go.” I encourage all of you to find, embrace, and continue to foster the friendships you make with others who know and understand your loss.

Greg has had some recent health problems which have grounded him for a few months. He is on the road to great health now, and he is using this break in his life to catch his breath and ponder what he wants to do with the rest of his life. Greg is a gifted man of so many talents and he has so much to offer this world. He loves flying, and as a Boeing 747 captain he has been around the world more times than he can remember, he is still passionate about his work.

Because Greg and I both travel extensively as part of our jobs, we are lucky if we can find the time to get together for lunch once a month these days. Over the years we have taken a few out of town junkets together where we had a day or two to hang out, but scheduling has always been difficult and it seems we never have enough time to really relax. But this week all that changed.


Greg called me last week with an offer I just could not refuse. He was planning a week long trip to his home here in Missouri and asked if I wanted to tag along….duh? This place is absolutely amazing and if I can figure out how to take a picture with my new phone and upload it to my computer I will post it in my photo section. His property is on the water in a quiet little cove off of the main channel, we call it Tranquility Cove. The private boat dock he built houses his two boats and a jet ski and has a platform area big enough to entertain a big group of people…it is a great place to just hang out.

The house is amazing too; my bedroom has a deck off of it that nearly hangs over the water. We have divided up the house duties, I will be cooking and he will be cleaning up…we will see how that works out as I can make quite a mess and he may be getting the short end of the stick here.

Both of us are enjoying this break in our lives. I am catching up on writing and simply using this time to be still and reflect. He is catching up on his reading and taking the time to reflect on all that is going on in his life. We are two bereaved dads who have found our way out of the darkness. We have been blessed by our friendship and by the tremendous help we received from our Compassionate Friends chapter. We have peace in our lives once again, and we both credit our friendship as being a catalyst for healing.

So, I must go now as there is much to do here. I am debating between going down to the dock and fishing, sitting on the deck and meditating, or taking a nap….hmmm tough decision indeed. Be kind to yourselves this month, and if you get the chance do yourself a favor and call up one of your compassionate friends and do something together...take it from me….it can be good for the soul!

I had a great trip to Texas, Oklahoma and New Mexico earlier this month. I want to thank all those who sponsored and attended concerts in Lawton, Oklahoma, Hobbs, New Mexico, Katie, Sugar Land, and College Station, Texas. Also thanks to TCF in Plano for sponsoring my full-day workshop.

Have a great month!

For those of you who have never been to Colorado, it might surprise you how beautiful February can be in my home state. I am so glad I gave myself the gift of staying home in what would normally be a very busy month out on the road. My journey began early in the month with a concert in Boulder which sits in the shadow of the beautiful flatirons which are picturesque rock faces pressed against the backdrop of the foothills leading into the Rocky Mountains. Boulder is only a 40 minute drive from my home and pulling into town I suddenly realized the last time I had played a concert in Boulder was in 1978 as a wide-eyed ambitious young man thinking I would be the next big thing.

The gig that day was a big fundraiser for the Republican party of Boulder County. Most people have a hard time believing that Boulder actually has a Republican Party, let alone would throw a party for the Republican Party. You see, Boulder is quite famous in these parts for being a very Democrat and liberal town. Colorado has until recently always been a very conservative and Republican state…but Boulder was always the exception. It didn’t matter to me on that particular day the politics of the group I was playing for; all I knew is there would be a big crowd and I was being paid $50 for my appearance.

Every John Denver, Jimmy Buffet, and James Taylor song I knew was played that day and I even played a few tunes of my own. The crowd didn’t seem to care so much about music; they really seemed more interested in politics. One very cute couple however just couldn’t get enough of my music…they hung on every word and when they liked a particular song they would get up and dance. This couple danced the day away and the memory of them stays with me today…that cute couple you see were my mom and my late father who were so proud that there son finally got a paying gig as a singer that they had to be there on the front-row.

The concert that night in Boulder was wonderful and I met many new friends. My hope is that I will return to Boulder again real soon, 31 years is a long time between concerts. That next morning it was on the road for a journey across the state of Colorado to a little town called Olathe. Olathe is in the wild west of Colorado near the Utah border. It sits just a short drive from some of the most beautiful places on earth including the world famous town of Telluride. Olathe is famous for its sweet corn; I am not lying when I say Olathe sweet corn is the absolute best I have ever tasted. The weather driving across the mountains that day was incredible. My journey took me over Vail pass and as the Butterfly Bus pulled into Olathe, the temperature was 67 degrees…yes Colorado weather in February can be amazing.

The friendly folks in Olathe were very kind and generous to me. There have been many children who have died in this small rural area in the past 3 years and it was an honor to play and speak for this group who is reaching out to support these hurting people. After the concert; I decided to drive home figuring it was worth driving 5 hours if it meant sleeping in my own bed. There was a big bright moon lighting my way and near the town of Vail I saw ahead of me on the interstate what looked like a sheep. I thought I might be seeing things, but then I realized there was something standing right in the middle of my lane up ahead. I slowed down and put on my bright lights…there in front of me stood a large Colorado bighorn sheep. As I got closer, the big guy never moved….so I drove around him and noticed in the median a group of 10 or more just like him. It was a spectacular sight, but also woke me up to really watch out for the wildlife that darts across these mountain highways.

As February rolled on I was blessed to play for several more groups in Colorado. My good friends Bob and Yvette Thompson facilitated a Saturday night concert at the Pikes Perk Coffee House in Colorado Springs. It had been a long time since I have played music to the sounds of a coffee grinder and blenders cranking out espresso and fruit smoothies...but we took over the place with bereaved families and had a wonderful concert sharing our kids over a cup of halfcaf decaf with a shot of french vanilla and steamed milk on top.

My original TCF Chapter invited me to play for them (thanks Trish and Dave) in February and it was a special evening for me. Returning home was emotional and gave me the sense I had come full circle. Walking in that door the first time in 2001 I was a broken man without a clue as to how I could possibly survive the death of my precious Ashley. Walking in the door this time found me ready to give back to others who felt they had no hope…it really was an awesome experience. I played for the Aurora Chapter of TCF for my friends Pat and Andy McMillan and they brought out a nice group too. The beautiful Heartlight Center where they meet would also be the location for my first ever presentation of “A Day with Mitch and Alan” with my good friend Mitch Carmody.

The 28th day of February brought not only the end of a very relaxing and rejuvenating month for me; it also was a day for helping others. Our full day workshop presentation was something we have been planning for nearly a year and a half. We learned so much from the experience, and hopefully those who attended learned some good things too. Mitch has a great story and such a beautiful heart that he exudes compassion. Those who attended were such an asset to the success of the day as well. We will take this concept on the road in 2009 with stops in several U.S. cities...so look for us in a town near you.

So that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. I head out on the 4th for a few events in Oklahoma, New Mexico, and Texas. 2009 will be the last year for me to travel at this pace and I want to truly enjoy it and savor each event. I wouldn’t trade the experiences I have had roaming from town-to-town for anything in the world. My goal when I started was to honor Ashley and give something back to The Compassionate Friends because my local chapter gave so much help to me. I believe that when the year ends I can look in the mirror knowing I made good on that promise and then some.

Beginning next year I will focus more on conducting full-day workshops and do more flying than driving. I will still sprinkle in a mixture of small concerts along the way when I am in an area…..but it will be time to say goodbye to driving 40,000+ miles and setting out a donation jar each night hoping it will pay for the gas to get to the next town. There has been an incredible freedom and healing that took place for me living this life out here on the road so thanks to all of you who have allowed me to do this. So even though the business model might change (even Peter Pan had to think about his future) I can promise you that my heart won’t change. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers….be gentle to yourselves on this journey. Talk to you next month!

I have played over 300 events around the United States and Canada in the past 5 years. I quit keeping track of exact numbers long ago, so these figures are pretty close but don’t quote me on them. I have played two National Conferences and 3 Regional Conferences and for 100+ local TCF Chapters in 42 different states, many chapters I have played for on more than one occasion. I have played for two National Conferences, 1 Regional Conference, and 9 local Chapters of Bereaved Parents of the USA which took me to 7 different states. I have played and spoken for many Angel of Hope ceremonies and dedications from New York to California.

I have played dozens of balloon releases, butterfly releases, and dove releases at churches, parks, children’s hospitals, and other venues all across this great land of ours. I have shared the pulpit and spoken and played music in more churches than I can count. Baptist, Methodist, Lutheran, Catholic, Assembly of God, just to name a few. I have played at Jewish Synagogues, new thought churches, and churches where I am not sure exactly what it is they believe. But one thing I have not done in all of my travels and concerts is …..Play for the home folks.

So, that is what I am doing during my February break. Right here in beautiful Colorado we have some wonderful grief organizations and TCF Chapters who I have never gotten around to playing for, including my home Chapter in Littleton, Colorado. That is right, the presentation I do when I travel and speak, I have never done for my home chapter. The reason I haven’t presented for my home chapter is because it was always my place to simply “be” another bereaved parent. My Jeffco Chapter of TCF was a Godsend to me, and I credit the friendships and help I got there with getting me to where I am today.

I guess it just took all these years for the time to be right. I look forward to returning once again to my comfortable TCF home which sits in the shadow of nearby Columbine High School. I haven’t been to a meeting in a long time as I have been everywhere but in Colorado it seems. I look forward to seeing old faces and reconnecting with friends who have been so dear to me. I look forward to meeting the new faces who now are the majority of regular attendees to the meetings. Most of all, I am just honored to be coming home. Thanks to my dear friends Dave and Trish Derby, for inviting me back to where it all began for me.

So, February will find me playing in Boulder, Olathe, Colorado Springs, Littleton, and Aurora, Colorado. The month will end on a high-note as my dear friend Mitch Carmody flies into the Mile High City for a full-day workshop with me at the Beautiful Heartlight Center in Denver for the first of our “A Day with Mitch and Alan.” Mitch is such a great friend and inspiration to me. We have worked for nearly a year and a half on this powerful workshop concept which we will present in 10 U.S. cities this year.

My prayer is that each of you continue to grow in your grief, that you take the time to celebrate your children, grandchildren, and brothers and sisters who have died. They are still in our hearts, which means they are still in our lives. Thanks for reading, and may God Bless You!

Welcome to the newest feature of the website, my monthly column. Over the years the website certainly has evolved. In the beginning it was simply a tool to let people know about Ashley, the music, and my work. Moving forward I would like to expand the horizons of what I do here by sharing more than just stories of the road, but also stories about the people I meet and the lessons I have learned along the way about grief.

Most of the 10,000 people who view this website each month are here because they walk the same journey that I do and want information to help them. I have been blessed to work with and share the podium with some of the best and brightest minds in the world concerning the grief process. From professionals who counsel, lecture, and study grief and loss, to authors of helpful and healing books for the bereaved. I learn from each of these people and want to share some of what I have learned with you. Some of the greatest lessons I have learned about grief however come from the fellow bereaved folks I meet at my events.

I have a unique perspective in that I have met and talked to literally thousands of bereaved parents, grandparents, and siblings. Each night I make an effort to meet everybody who attends. Some nights that is not possible, but I am always willing to stay as long as it takes to be accessible to everyone. Why do I do this? Because I know it is important for them to tell their stories, but I also realize it is important for me to hear their stories. They share their children, they share their journey, and through their tears and triumph I learn many things….which I look forward to sharing with those of you who take the time to visit this site every month.

So, look for my first column in early January. Please feel free to email me with comments about the column or any other aspect of this site as well. Blessings, and Happy New Years to all of you.

Alan Pedersen and Mitch Carmody to Present One-Day Workshops Together in 2009

Mitch Carmody and Alan Pedersen are pleased to announce they will be presenting a limited number of one-day workshops in 2009 in several U.S. cities. The two have been collaborating for more than a year on a program aimed at sharing hope and healing with the bereavement community. What has transpired is “A Day with Mitch and Alan,” which will combine their music, art, writing, and grief journey into a powerful and healing program.
Dates and cities will be announced soon, if you want more information about “A Day with Mitch and Alan,” or would have an interest in sponsoring an event in your city, please respond to this email.
Their Mission Statement details what they hope to accomplish in these original and unique workshops;

“As two bereaved fathers we know intimately the long and difficult journey of processing grief in our lives. Our work, our mission, individually and together is to reach out to the bereaved community at large and bring them hope that there is life after death on both sides of the equation. We are “Facilitators of Proactive Grieving" not only because that describes best what we are doing and who we are, but more globally describes an emerging paradigm shift in how we process the devastating losses that may incur in our lives. We want to teach, illustrate, and share what we have learned on the journey to help others on theirs. Through music, art, and provocative dialogue we provide insight into avenues of processing grief in a proactive way. To discover in ones’ self creative ways to assuage the pain and activate new potentials that allow us to live productively with our loss the r est of our lives. We learn to embrace our grief and actively try to seek joy again and when it comes accept it without guilt. Taking charge of our grief journey by proactive grieving we live the loss and accept the daunting challenge to survive. We substantiate our loved ones life by the way we live ours; we reclaim our lives and turn loss to legacy.”

Mitch and Alan look forward to seeing you somewhere in 2009!

Heartlight Studio was started by Mitch Carmody as a way to honor his son Kelly who died of cancer in 1988. Heartlight Studio has been a conduit for Mitch to reach out to others through his art as well as his work as an author on grief and loss. Letters to My Son, a book written by Mitch in 1998 continues to be one of the most touching and talked about books in the bereavement world. Mitch is a highly sought after seminar and key-note speaker for grief and loss organizations and is a regular contributor for Living with Loss magazine and has had articles published by many other national publications and websites dedicated to helping the bereaved.

www.heartlightstudios.org

Every once in awhile along this journey, something happens that is so special I want to share it with all of you. I appreciate every event I am honored to get to play and the hard work and hospitality that is bestowed upon me in each city is something I truly appreciate. The wonderful folks in Lawrence County, Arkansas however went beyond what I could ever have expected when I played a “Celebrate the Children” concert for them this past weekend. Dana Penn who is the Chapter Leader for the Lawrence County TCF invited me to Walnut Creek, Arkansas which is in a rural area in the eastern part of the state. Dana asked if I would like to stay in a cabin while I was there rather than a hotel, I of course said yes.

When I arrived in Arkansas late on Friday evening, I walked into a gorgeous and comfortable A-Frame cabin sitting on beautiful Lake Charles. I was greeted by Dana, her husband David and a welcoming committee that included the cabin’s owner Brenda who so generously donated its use to me for the 3 nights I was in Arkansas. Of course nothing about this event was done in a small way.

Fantastic southern Bar-B-Q with all the trimmings was served when I arrived which was delicious. The refrigerator was stocked with steaks, chicken, fresh fruit and vegetables, and goodies of all kinds for me to enjoy during my stay. Dana is famous in these parts for her angel food cakes, and of course she baked one for the welcoming dinner…it was incredible. From the moment I arrived until I left this special place on Monday morning, I was spoiled rotten. Every effort was made to make sure I was comfortable, well fed, and it was one of the most relaxing, refreshing, and rejuvenating places I have ever stayed.

Oh yes, we played a concert on Saturday evening, and it was wonderful. The folks around Walnut Ridge are so supportive and appreciative of the music, I loved playing for them. Thanks to everyone in Walnut Ridge for all your hospitality and support. I also want to thank the TCF Chapter in Batesville, Arkansas and the local Hospice which donated financially to help make this event happen.

Thanks also to The Times Dispatch for the feature article in your Arts and Entertainment section promoting the concert.

Most of all I want to thank Dana and David Penn for making this a special event for me. I want to thank you for all you do to help grieving families in Lawrence County. It was an honor to spend some time with you, thanks for sharing your precious JonDavid with me. Thanks for making this stop on the journey something I will always treasure! I want to come back to my cabin, thanks again for the wonderful pad Brenda!

Sue and Bob Rhodes are very special people. I met them over 2 years ago at a National Conference for The Compassionate Friends. They are first and foremost Ricky’s mom and dad. What I love about Sue and Bob is that they wear there love for Ricky on their sleeves for the entire world to see. They have made the choice to honor their precious son’s life by being beacons of light to families who face the darkness that comes with the death of a child. Sue is a leader of The Compassionate Friends Lake County Chapter near Cleveland, Ohio. She and Bob have organized motorcycle rides to raise money and are willing to do whatever it takes to help others.

Sue has invited me to speak and play for her chapter in both 2006 and 2007 and I enjoyed it each time. She recently called me however with a special request which I was honored to be able to fulfill. Her Chapter had been working for 2 years to build a Memorial Garden in the city of Willowick, Ohio..a garden that would be the first of its kind in that state. Sue and her committee were planning a dedication ceremony and ribbon cutting and wanted me to be a part of the event. We worked out a date that would allow me to travel there, and that glorious date was this past Saturday.

The weather was absolutely perfect (thanks kids) and there was a big crowd. The Cleveland Fox Television affiliate (Channel 8) showed up too, and so there at the entrance to this magnificent memorial garden we dedicated this sacred and holy ground as a place for parents to remember their children. The Mayor spoke, I played music, Sue and others read poems and the names of the children who grace the granite walls…it was quite something.

Thanks Sue and Bob, Cathy, Kathy…and all the other dedicated folks in your Chapter who worked so hard to create this wonderful garden. It was an honor to share in the celebration with you!

My early travels in October have found me visiting old friends; this was once again the case when I traveled to South Bend, Indiana to play for the St. Joseph County Chapter of TCF. Debbie Bice (who makes the most incredible chocolate mint brownies that I munched on for 3 days) invited me back for a return visit. We had many new faces in the crowd and I enjoyed meeting everybody and hearing their stories. There is an Angel of Hope in South Bend, and this wonderful group was so gracious to present me with a brick with Ashley’s name on it that will be a permanent fixture there, how thoughtful and special of you to do that for me.
Thanks for the wonderful hotel accommodations, the Hyatt Place Hotel is really quite a place. It is Hyatt’s newest concept for business travelers and the rooms are huge with 42” flat screen TV’s in each room….unfortunately there was no good sports to watch so I had to settle for Seinfeld reruns on the big screen…and an infomercial or two. Thanks South Bend for your warm hospitality.

October started off just right with a return visit to play and speak for old friends. Now, that doesn’t mean that I am saying that Gail, Brenda, Pat O, and Cathy from Livonia are old...(they really aren’t that old…well Notre Dame Pat is feeling a bit older after his Irish lost at North Carolina) what I mean is they are old friends for me. The wonderful folks in this Detroit suburb have been so incredibly supportive of my music and ministry and they always bring out a great group when I come to town. It was a nice evening, and it was great to be able to go out after the concert and visit and catch up with each of you. This group of people and their TCF Chapter were the folks who brought us the Dearborn National Conference for TCF in 2006; I was honored to be a part of that event and will always consider it an honor to play in Livonia…thanks for making it so special!

The time has come for me to do a Colorado Tour. So, in January of 2009 I am going to play only in my home state. There are so many wonderful organizations, churches, and friends here and it is time I spent some time playing for the home folks. My 2009 travel schedule is starting to take shape as far as what parts of the country I will be in...it is tentative, but many of you have asked me..so here is what I have written down in pencil.

January - Colorado

February - Southwest United Statess - New Mexico, Arizona, Texas, Louisiana, Oklahoma, Missouri

March and April/Midwest and East Coast

May - California and Northwest United States

June - No dates will be scheduled

July - Upper Midwest/East Coast

August - No dates will be scheduled

September and October - East/Coast/Southeast /Midwest

November - Limited dates will be scheduled

December - Limited dates will be scheduled

Please contact me as soon as possible for 2009 dates.

I want to thank all of you who made September so very special. It started in Shelton, Nebraska the day after Labor Day and ended last night in Massillon, Ohio. 13 Concerts in 21 days spread across nearly 7,000 miles was quite a trek. Except for a scary day in New York where I had a tire blow-out and a dead battery in need of an after hour mechanic….it was pretty smooth.

I am flying home now for a week off before beginning my October schedule which will start in Lavonia, Michigan…and end in Little Rock, Arkansas…sprinkled in with a few days in Nashville writing and playing a couple of songwriter events.

November will take me to Florida and then the long drive home bringing the Butterfly Bus to Colorado for its winter rest. I will continue on however in December with a trip to Northern California before resting myself for the remainder of December and all of January.

I have decided to run at this same pace for 2009, and then decide what to do from there. Please contact me as soon as possible if you want to be on my schedule next year…I am going to try to schedule a bit smarter so that I am not driving sooooo many miles…but then again….I say that every year.

This is an amazing journey; it is the people that make it special. Thanks to all of you who helped put together these concerts, thanks to all who attend, and thanks to all who support my work…..I couldn’t do this without you. It is an honor to Celebrate Our Children together at these events. Be kind to yourselves…..God Bless You!